Their dreadlocks make it too stringy.

If you use canned vegans, there’s always bits of sandal that didn’t get processed out.

Lack of flavor because the meat’s too young and lean.

With fresh vegans, their big bleeding hearts make a mess in the kitchen.

You feel guilty eating them when you think about how they must have been raised.

The supply’s too scarce outside the big cities.

Still, God love ‘em, the vegans mean well. Trying to eliminate the agony caused to mammals raised in horrible conditions and tortured until the sweet release of slaughter day comes. These vegans have accepted the notion that humans are not the only animals that feel pain—and that pain hurts. If they ate some stuff to increase the fatty buildups in their arteries, they’d know first-hand what pain is. Right, Meatboy?