This year’s Red List of Threatened Species finds that of 5,487 mammals on Earth, at least 1,141 are currently on the path to permanent disappearance—or heaven, if you prefer. It’s a start of course, but humans can do more to get them out of the way. Don’t panic: You’re species is not on the list, although some of your simian cousins are certainly going away—even the big almost-as-smart-as-you ones. Sure, historically your kind followed the fate of fellow mammals—big brains, protecting your young, regulating your blood temperature, etc.; that doesn’t mean that you will absolutely follow the other mammals into extinction—it‘s just likely.

Look at this news as your chance to secure human destiny as the last surviving mammals—the majestic end to the evolutionary process—before the other mammals have a chance to please your God and challenge your divine dominance. Do you want your descendants taking orders from the evolved offspring of whales or dolphins? Besides, it’s only a theory that your currently amazing human life will be devastatingly affected by the departure of orangutans—they‘re monkeys for goodness sake. It may seem tempting for humans to protect and save all the genetic losers of the world with billion dollar bailouts to moneylenders, mammals and other creatures of the planet; but it’s supposed to be survival of the fittest and if a dolphin can’t swim out of a fish net, maybe it needs to sink.